Ok, so Shannon is currently out in the snow with the boys next door and I am watching her from the front room while on the computer. Oh, and Sloane is taking a morning nap. I also got a solid night of sleep (both pretty much slept through the night... Shannon woke up at 6:30). I am glad I went to bed early, too.
I received a forwarded email from a friend whose sister is a military wife and I thought I would post it. It is in regard to the questions or statements wives receive when our spouses go off to war. I agree with a majority of it (and, yes, I have come across most of these questions or statements already), but I will add my own comments to some of them with a MK at the end of each.
This one ranks in at number one on the "duh" list. Of course we're afraid. We're terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of our minds --- but thanks, brilliant, you just brought it back to the front. Maybe next you can go ask someone with cancer if they're scared of dying.
2. "I don't know how you manage. I don't think I could do it."
This is intended to be a compliment. Though, it's just a little annoying. Here's why: it's not like all of us military wives have been dreaming since childhood of the day we'd get to be anxious single moms who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We're not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just got asked to take on a challenging job. So we rose to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices. MK: And, since we didn't ask for the deployment (and, sometimes, neither did our spouses), what other choice do we have except to rise to the occasion and persevere.
3. "At least he's not in Iraq ."
This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose husbands are in Afghanistan . What do they think is happening in Afghanistan? An international game of golf? Guys are fighting and dying over there. MK: I initially tried to rationalize Pat's deployment thinking this statement, then reality hit!
4. "Do you think he'll get to come home for Christmas / anniversary / birthday / birth of a child / wedding / family reunion, etc?"
Don't you watch the news? No! They don't get to come home for any of these things. Please don't ask again. MK: Ok, sometimes they do, but most of the time, no, unless they schedule their R&R week home during a special occasion.
5. "What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he's gone?"
Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there's a military wife out there who gets bored when her husband leaves, but I have yet to meet her. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don't get bored, and drinking massive amounts of wine always helps keep me busy. MK: Yes, I think drinking will come into play... oh, wait, it already has! ;)
6. "How much longer does he have until he can get out?"
This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands are deployed or not. Many of our husbands aren't counting down the days until they "can" get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and AGAIN to go back to Iraq b/c there is work that needs to be done. MK: By the way, I was an integral part of Pat STAYING in the military, and I STILL AM!
7. "This deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it."
Sure, we do learn coping skills and its true the more deployments you've gone through, the easier dealing with it becomes. And we figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets "easy" and the bullets and bombs don't skip over our guys just because they've been there before. The worry never goes away. MK: Yeah, and this deployment is different for me because I am married to the man & now have kids. He also didn't play "soldier" the last 2 deployments he went on. This deployment is SOOO much more different.
8. "My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you're going through."
This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband's three week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. With a 12-15 month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, he flew comfortably on a commercial plane, slept between crisp white sheets and ate well, paying for everything with an expense account. There is no comparison. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for it. Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a few weeks business trip is like comparing a shitty Ford Taurus with Mercedes convertible. MK: This statement comes in many forms (generally it is just a long business trip), for I have had it stated to me numerous times.
9. "Wow you must miss him?"
This one also gets another big "duh". Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not and they're now divorced.
10. "Where is he exactly? Where is that?"
I don't expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province on a map, but they should know by now that it's in Iraq . Likewise, know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan . Know that Mutada al Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr Cityis his home area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our country and that it is located between Afghanistan and Iraq. Our country has been at war in Afghanistan for seven years and at war in Iraq for five years. These basic facts are not secrets, they're on the news every night and in the papers every day --- and on maps everywhere.
11. "Well, he signed up for it, so it's his own fault whatever happens over there."
Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid comments like that. He didn't sign up and ask to be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that "You're welcome." He's still fighting for your freedom. MK: I need to add that the men and women of the military also felt the need/call to do something more fulfilling with/in their lives, hence signing up. People can equate here because there are many who volunteer for various projects in our country... Our spouses just volunteered for something a bit more demanding and dangerous.
12. "Don't you miss sex! I couldn't do it!"
Hmmm, no I don't miss sex. I'm a robot. Seriously...military spouses learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something greater than sex. We learn to appreciate the important things, like simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have dinner together every night. And the hard truth is, most relationships probably couldn't withstand 12 months of sex deprivation. MK: I have NEVER had this question, but I am sure it crosses a lot of minds because people can be so curious.
13. "Well in my opinion....."
Stop right there. Yo, I didn't ask for you your personal political opinions. Hey, I love a heated political debate, but not in the grocery store, not in Jamba Juice, not at Nordstrom, not in a bar when I'm out with my girls trying to forget the war, and CERTAINLY NOT AT WORK. We tell co-workers about deployments so when we have to spend lunch hours running our asses off doing errands and taking care of the house, dog, and kids, they have an understanding. We do not tell co-workers and colleagues because we are giving an invitation to ramble about politics or because we so eagerly want to hear how much they hate the President, especially while we're trying to heat up our lean cuisines in the crappy office microwaves. MK: Oh, Pat already touched on this one in his blog and I agree with his comments about the political-bound people. Just support the troops and vote, don't spew your rhetoric on me... I don't need your views firing me up (either positively or negatively - it's usually the later, by the way) when I have to keep things calm here at home.
last but not least....
14. "OH, that's horrible...I'm so sorry!"
He's doing his job and he's a BAD ASS! Don't be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to realize that our soldiers fight the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad.
If you want to say anything, say thank you. After all, we are sexually deprived for your freedom.
2 comments:
that was very interesting and useful. I am amazed at some of the questions, but there are a lot of uneducated people out there.
I always enjoy emails/posts that knock a little common sense into people. It's a shame that "common" sense doesn't seem to be so common anymore.
Post a Comment